Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
