i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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