You made me cry and you don't even care
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Randomize
