This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I did not marry a roomba.
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