he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
