dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
