She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
