There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
