I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
When did angry sex become our thing?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
