:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
