I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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