A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
