He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
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dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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