booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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