I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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