She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
