somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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