Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
