She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
