How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
