There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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