Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
