i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
