My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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