There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
