Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Randomize
