If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
