I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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