I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
