just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
