I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
