im having a threesome with these popsicles
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i dont even know how to be here
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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