I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
