Im at strip club and am horny
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
