toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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