I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
