everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
