He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
