just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.