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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  yo i have your phone

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  ... oh so you probably won't get this message

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (561): View more from Florida

  george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy

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• 

  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.

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