What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
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i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
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He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over