Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.