you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20