yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.