dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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