Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
