She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
