I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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