i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
