I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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