I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
