no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
