Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
