No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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