You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
