This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
