Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
