if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
