Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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