i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This house was built for laser tag.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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