I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
organizing the empties. That sober.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
