I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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