She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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