I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
