About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
