Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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