Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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