I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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