can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
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tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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