Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
