maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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