i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
