my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
