I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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