Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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