Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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