last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We left the knife in your bed.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
