You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
