That's when you crack a 10am beer
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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