it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
